Dependable Erection

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Beaver Queen Pageant - Meet the Judges

While eating locally may seem to be very trendy among certain elements of society, it's actually been pretty much de rigeur for beavers for a pretty long time. Here's Woody L. Ocavore, our latest judge.
Woody L. Ocavore, a true Durham native, would like to express his sincerest gratitude for being invited to judge the Beaver Pageant, as our local beaver community is near and dear to his heart. In fact, Woody is doing his best to improve lives for our local beavers by starting Beaver Central Market. Discerning beavers know that some of the finest wood grows in our area, but far too often beavers in our community have to settle for substandard trees and shrubs.

Beaver Central Market aims to bring the beaver community together to provide only the best local and sustainably raised wood and brush. In the spirit of Woodstick, Woody wants beavers to believe in their fellow kind, and work through cooperative principles to make sure that all have access to the finest local wood and the healthiest local brush.

Scurrilous rumors have reached Woody's ears that his judging can be influenced with bribes or suck-ups. Woody would like to make something very clear: "I will not be influenced by those who mention they are owners in Durham Central Market or prominently display DCM bags or shirts!" is something that a judge might say. Woody notes that some might try to sway him by promoting his favorite cause in creative ways, and will make every effort to notice these. Woody promises that among all the contestants in the pageant, after viewing their performances, he will pick one of them.

Woody closes by reminding all beavers that when it comes to wood and brush, "Eat Local, Y'all!"

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2 Comments:

  • Party with the Stars after the pageant

    Open to the Public
    $10.00
    Sponsored by WXDU/Merge Records
    Monkey Bottom Arts Collaborative
    609 Trent Ave (not too far from Loco Pops)
    Durham, NC 27705

    The Only Burger Truck will be on-site. Beer provided by Lone Rider Brewery. Some snacks. Peep show, pole dance and fire spinners are just a few pieces of entertainment. Mr Dependable Beaver Stimulus packages for sale. Expect spontaneous burlesque.

    No dogs, no children. Yes to beavers.

    By Blogger Beaver, at 10:33 AM  

  • Good lord, that guy sounds like a loser.

    By Blogger Michael Bacon, at 4:26 PM  

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