Dependable Erection

Friday, June 01, 2007

To do list - Saturday, June 2

Morning - Clean up a creek

6pm - Go to the Beaver Queen Pageant

Here's the final rundown on our contestants for the title of 2007 Beaver Queen

Yogi Beaver - southern New Jersey bog
Flapper LaTail - Duke Park, Durham, North Carolina
World Wide Beaver - hometown unknown
(Mystery Beaver) - born Tupelo, Mississippi, now leaving buildings everywhere
"Little Bluesy" Beaver - born Long Island, New York, resides in Ellerbe Creek watershed
Be Vell (La Bouche) Bevon - Paris, France and Homer, Alaska

There are three areas of competition for the title. First, there will be the wetlands ready wear competition. Contestants will don their wetlands ready wear, showing off their tails, and the quality of their water repelentness. After a musical interlude, contestants will return for the talent competition. Each contestant will have about 4 or 5 minutes to show off whatever specialized talent they choose. Another entertainment interlude will follow, and then will come the evening wear portion of the pageant. Contestants are encouraged to interpret evening wear broadly as anything you might wear after 6pm.

After the competitions are complete, the audience will have the opportunity to cast ballots for their favorite beaver. While the ballots are being collected and counted, the judges will also be weighing the bribes received on behalf of each contestant, as well as their subjective evaluations.

At the judging table this year are five of the Triangle's most celebricious celebrities. Alice Sharpe, of Alliance Architecture, has had a hand in much of downtown Durham's revitalization. Mary K. Mart has hosted Drag Bingo at the Durham Armory for years, raising funds for the Alliance of Aids Services - Carolina. She recently appeared in Time Magazine. Kama Suture is one of the heavy hitters for the Carolina Roller Girls. Blazer Manpurse publishes Durham's hottest new blog, BullSh@t, and snarks with a mighty voice against injustice and bad logos. Mr. B.A. Hunter knows Mike Woodard, who is a Durham City Council member needing to spend more time with his family.

While our highly trained and certified accountants are reveiwing the ballots, there will be an audience participation contest and a slide show review of June Cleaver Beaver's year as the Beaver Queen.

Awards will be presented, tears will flow, and a new Beaver Queen will reign over the Beaver Lodge for another year.



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