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Saturday, June 02, 2007

Beaver Queen Pageant - Meet your judges

Fourth in a series

Folks, it's happened again. Just after announcing that Alice Sharp, formerly of the city of Durham, and now with Alliance Architecture, was going to be one of our celebrity judges, we've been informed that she, too, has developed a sudden need to "spend more time with her family."

Frankly, we're at a loss to figure out why so many of our judges, none of whom are members of the Bush Administration, are experiencing these familial pangs at the same time.

However, being the gracious human being that she is, Ms. Sharpe has arranged to have a replacement judge on the stand in her stead. We're told that he is already in transit from his home up north, and should be arriving just in time to be introduced with the rest of our judges at 7 pm. Because Mr. Bing, or Bada, as he is known to his friends and acquaintances in the law enforcement profession, prefers not to have conversations with people he does not already know over an unsecured line, we were unable to conduct a complete interview with him. What little we know has been relayed by a breathless personal courier who knocked on our door, left a small envelope, and walked briskly away without us getting a good look at his face.

In his own words, let's here from Mr. Giuseppe "Bada" Bing.
A successful businessman, Bada Bing (of the New Jersey Bings) is in waste management and also owns an interest in several gentlemen’s clubs in the greater Newark area. Bada has recently begun partnering with several Canadian gentlemen to import pharmaceuticals. When asked what makes him qualified to be a judge at this year’s Beaver Queen Pageant, Bada replied “Believe me, my friend - I know nice beaver and great tail when I see it.” When he heard you can bribe judges in Durham, Bada Bing hopped in his Caddy and drove all the way from Newark. Make Bada an offer he can’t refuse. With all due respect, Bada asks that no photographs be taken until that little matter is settled in Hoboken.

We'll see you tonight.

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