Concession speeches, translated

Thank you my friends. Over the past few months, i've said some incredibly nasty things about my opponent. Now that he's kicked my ass up the mountain and down the desert, i need to let everyone know that i didn't really mean them. You know how it goes in the heat of battle.

I was just saying them to try to convince the more moronic of you out there that you shouldn't vote for him. But enough of you did. So shame on those of you who voted for me if you believed that stuff.

So i'm going to say right now that i intend to support my opponent.

And you can believe that every bit as much as you believed it when i called him a socialist.