Dependable Erection

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Durham rising, or "I'd be afraid to send my kid there."

Yes, prospective Duke parents. Durham is a very scary place, and, as Joe T. points out in the comments, you'd be right to be afraid to send your kids here, as these photos will show.

For starters, we have very scary policeman on motorcycles. They cruise the city streets looking for easily identifiable Duke students, so they can arrest them on false charges, and extort money from their always wealthy parents.


Then there are the blind people in town. Who knows what they're thinking? Best to avoid them altogether. They're creepy.



Perhaps the scariest of all Durhamites is the drum majorette. You really need to stay out of her way, lest she bop you on the head with that baton.





Fortunately, she's almost always seen in the company of a spontaneous marching band, so you usually can tell when she's around and get back home safely before something bad happens.





And don't get me started on those brown people. You know how they've got the entire legal system structured to do their bidding. It's amazing any Duke students survive 4 years in Durham, let alone graduate and decide to stay here.

Probably best to stay home where it's less scary.

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posted by Barry at 10:51 PM Digg this

20 Comments:

  • I think the guy with the white cane is a judge.

    Don't ask me how I know that. :)

    By Blogger Joseph H. Vilas, at 11:28 PM  

  • You forgot to tell us about these people...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVD2Fdc_OzA&eurl=http%253A%252F%252Fiambecauseweare%252Ewordpress%252Ecom%252F

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 7:51 AM  

  • Hey Loco breath, cry me a river...

    Duke University lacrosse
    Historically oppressed since 2006.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:21 AM  

  • So, the glaring omission I saw was there was no taco truck. It would have been a great addition to the food lineup, and it probably would have an easy get.

    By Blogger Unknown, at 9:11 AM  

  • Locomotive Breath, what would your parents do if new neighbors moved in next door and started urinating in their bushes, vomiting on their porch and throwing beer bottles?

    Please be honest in your answer.

    And please don't try
    your "you-deserve-it-if-you-move-next-to-Duke" argument. Ten years ago, university administrators took steps to move student drinking off campus.

    Duke created a charged environment next to campus when it decided to move its problems into the community.

    Many students are fine neighbors. It's too bad some bad apples have ruined it for everyone.

    For years, the university administration mostly ignored the concerns raised by neighbors. Even you might agree that Duke administrators share the blame in all this...

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:18 AM  

  • Joe - it's a case of American Blind justice.

    Actually, i believe you are correct. Said judge presided over one of my divorce hearings if i recall.

    David - the food choices on the street were, sadly, inadequate. And the beer garden was a touch overpriced. But Daniel B put together a great selection for the assembled masses, including plenty of New Glarus IPA, so i was not unhappy.

    By Blogger Barry, at 9:24 AM  

  • Anonymous 9:18 has it exactly backwards. If I were to make my own choice to buy a house in the middle of rental housing (or any area for that mattter) with known issues (say I bought next to one of Durham's many crack houses), it would be my choice and my fault for choosing badly.

    Downwind from the sewer plant or within earshoot of the airport would be the same. Your point would hold only if these were not student rental houses before I bought but everyone agrees that that's not the case with Trinity Park.

    Ever look at a real estate apprasial form? You get a discount on your house for buying into such an area. It's then a little disingenuous to then argue that the students are ruining the property values. If you don't want to live next to students then pony up and buy into a better neighborhood without nearby issues.

    I absolutely agree that Duke made a conscious decision to push the parties off campus and into Durham where Duke knew that they would cause problems resulting in arrests for their own students. I think that Duke thought that setting things up so that students were being arrested for having parties would stop the parties and somehow result in a more scholarly campus atmosphere.

    Instead they have the mess they have now. But your beef is not with the students as much as it is with the administration for putting students who want to party into the middle of a residential neighborhood. Nan Keohane and Sue Wasiolek, I'm looking at you.

    In a bout of continuing academic cluelessness about how things work outside the ivory tower, Duke just spent a ton of money to buy the rental houses, including 610 N. Buchanan, to try to turn them back into single family dwellings. I hope Duke can afford to buy all Trinity Park because the parties will just move down the street.

    In further reparations to Durham for the crime that did not happen, I'm calling on Duke to give 610 to the Mangum family. Crystal can operate her "business" from there, Travis can put a car up on blocks in the front yard, and "Cousin Jakki", a.k.a. Clyde Mangum can have the spare room in the back. Trinity Park will be just begging for a few Duke students to move back in.

    BTW, my association with Duke goes back to 1975 when I enrolled as a freshman. We had our parties on campus where we didn't bother Durham and Durham didn't bother us. As I said above, this is a prime example of the law of unintended consequences when Duke tried to do a social engineering experiment on their own students.

    p.s. I own a house in a subdivision where the restrictive covenants prevent any owner from renting and a bunch of other undesirable activities. And we have, on occasion, taken legal action against the rare neighbor who doesn't understand that those are binding requirements. Works just fine to keep people from having loud parties and puking in my bushes. Yep, that's right - boring staid suburbia. If you want to live in the middle of a funky hip happening area, without those protections then you take the bad with the good and don't whine about it.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:11 PM  

  • I own a house in a subdivision where the restrictive covenants prevent any owner from renting and a bunch of other undesirable activities. And we have, on occasion, taken legal action against the rare neighbor who doesn't understand that those are binding requirements. Works just fine to keep people from having loud parties and puking in my bushes. Yep, that's right - boring staid suburbia. If you want to live in the middle of a funky hip happening area, without those protections then you take the bad with the good and don't whine about it.

    You aren't really saying that the only way to deal with illegal behavior is with restrictive covenants, are you?

    Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick, you've suggested that you were lacking in the intellect department with some of your previous statements, but, wow, this really confirms it.

    Remind me one day to explain the concept of civilization to you.

    On second, thought, don't bother. I haven't got the time.

    By Blogger Barry, at 12:37 PM  

  • Uh.. you did know that it was Duke's intent to solve the problem by reselling those houses with restrictive covenants to prevent them from being used as rental properties. You knew that, right?

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 1:45 PM  

  • Locomotive Breath, you still haven't answered my question.

    What would your parents do (or what would your siblings do) if new neighbors moved in next door and started urinating in their bushes, vomiting on their porch and throwing beer bottles?

    (Hint: talking to the new neighbors didn't work...)

    I'm glad we agree on the serious problems created by past actions of the Duke administration. It's good to see we share some common ground here.

    Keep in mind that the student rentals you mention changed as the university shifted student drinking off-campus.

    So, it's a little disingenuous to suggest that people who moved next to Duke student rentals 5-10 years ago knew what they were getting into. It got worse, much worse. And the administration ignored it.

    By the way, I don't live in Trinity Park.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 2:56 PM  

  • I bought my house in a perfectly respectable old Durham neighborhood (one drive-by not withstanding), and I still throw some kick-ass parties and puke in my own bushes. Luckily, the neighbors are sometimes there with me. We live way too far from Duke to blame it on those kids. The only college parking tags I see in my hood are for Derm Tech, and one of those tags is mine. (DTCC knows how to party.)

    Parkwood in the house!

    By Blogger KFC, at 5:44 PM  

  • I love you.

    By Blogger M.Pino, at 11:45 AM  

  • Excellent, funny post, Barry. I'll be moving to NC and buying in Durham later this year. Apparently I should avoid Trinity Park? ;-)

    By Blogger Jon, at 12:01 PM  

  • Trinity Park is a lovely neighborhood. I lived there for a brief time in the Governor Apartments in the early 90s while i waited for the rest of my family to arrive from California. there are many charming houses and blocks in the neighborhood, as well lots of nice people, some of whom are even Duke students.

    I eventually settled in Duke Park, which i like a whole lot, and which has a cool traffic circle.

    But there are many wonderful places to live in Durham. I'm sure you'll find one.

    By Blogger Barry, at 12:10 PM  

  • The blind man is District Court Judge Craig Brown.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 4:49 PM  

  • But there are many wonderful places to live in Durham. I'm sure you'll find one.

    Thanks, Barry. You and the other Derm bloggers have helped make me a believer (or "believah" as they say up here) in this town!

    By Blogger Jon, at 8:00 PM  

  • By the way, the marching band is the Scene of the Crime Rovers. They are quickly moving up the list of things to like about living in Durham.

    By Blogger Barry, at 9:28 AM  

  • Locomotive Breath, you still haven't answered the question...

    What would your parents do if new neighbors moved in next door and started urinating in your parents' bushes, vomiting on your parents' porch and throwing beer bottles in your parents' yard?

    Barry's right, young adults who cross the line can't (and shouldn't) blame others for their own actions. An adults shouldn't enable the behavior described above.

    It is however heartening to see us standing on common ground with regards to the Duke administration.

    You Duke alumni bloggers don't seem to be having much luck getting the university to make changes with Alleva et al.

    Yet, here on this blog, we have Duke "hooligan bloggers" and Durham "activists" all saying changes are needed. Together saying changes are needed.

    Consider the little shock waves in the Allen Building at this new development... LOL.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 8:38 PM  

  • Been out of town a week.

    I'm not going to tell you what my house cost and I'm not going to tell you what my parent's house costs. I will tell you that the houses in the neighborhoods we live in are expensive enough that no one trashes their own house or the house next door. There is no "what if" there.

    We did have the neighbor's dog running loose and pooping in our yard. We politely brought it to their attention and they were appropriately mortified and restrained their dog.

    Paying a lot for a house tends to restrain a lot of undesirable behaviors. Get out of the low rent district and you won't have a problem.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:27 AM  

  • That's a good one.

    Folks who live in the "low-rent district" should shut up and not complain if their neighbors behave illegally, because, hey, what do you expect. It's the low rent district, and people who live there are "different" from the rest of us.

    Meanwhile, if you overpay for your house, things will magically improve, because rich people are just naturally better.

    I take it the writer has never been to a co-op board meeting at one of those fancy apartment buildings on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, where a 2200 square foot apartment runs about 5.5 million.

    The specifics in Durham are that Trinity Park is the high rent district, except for the rental properties previously maintained by Guy Solie, which the University purchased last year and is in the process of reselling.

    But the larger issue is that regardless of where you choose to live, you're under no obligation to put up with illegal behavior, whether or not it's from the spoiled children of out of town parents attending the fancy University in your town.

    By Blogger Barry, at 8:22 AM  

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