Dependable Erection

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Beaver Queen Pageant - Meet your contestants

First in a series

While we wait for the rest of our celebrity judges to answer the probing questions submitted to them recently, let's start meeting some of this year's Beaver Queen Pageant contestants.

Leading off the parade is Yogi Beaver. Let's hear what she has to say for herself.

Yogi Beaver spends the majority of her time in a Southern New Jersey bog close to the Pine Barrens. Her second home and the place where she keeps her heart (and one of her favorite guitars) is Duke Park in Durham, North Carolina. Yogi is thrilled to be a part of the Beaver Queen pageant. She says, "It doesn't matter who wins or loses. I'm simply honored to be in such esteemed company. This year's contestants reflect the best of the Beaver. I'm awed to be included in a group of Beavers with such tremendous talent, poise, grace, intelligence, teeth and tails. Further, if I lose I'll build a dam the likes of which you've never seen....right there behind the abandoned K-Mart. You wanna see flooding? I'll show you flooding. Oh, excuse me friends, Yogi Beaver needs a bit of green bark tea and a few moments to re-center and breathe deeply...ahhhh...that's better. See you at the pageant...Namaste. "

This is Yogi's first pageant. Her motto is "Don't Hog the Log" and of course her platform also includes the ever popular, "World Peace". If Yogi becomes Queen of the Lodge she plans to use her reign to further her personal mission of promoting environmental conservation and encouraging pacifism amongst all mammals. She hopes to gnaw this message into the minds of our Duke Park residents and then onto the world at large. And wait'll you see her in a swimsuit...she's hot I

Well, you know what they say about folks who proclaim that it's an honor just to be considered in the same category as, well, you do know what they say, don't you?

Thank you Yogi Beaver, and good luck next Saturday. Keep stopping by to meet the rest of our judges and contestants.



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