Beaver Queen Pageant - Meet the Emcees
This year we're both happy and saddened to say farewell to John Parton, who needs no nom de castor, who will be swimming upstream to the Northeast before the year's end. Thanks for all you've given.
Anita Whacker, of the Buford Dam Whackers, hails from the deep south wetlands. As a long-time debubeaver, Ms. Whacker has developed a sassy style all her own. At the age of four, she won the Little Miss Kit pageant and continued throughout her teens to rack up, er, collect numerous titles and crowns including Miss Dammit 1987 and the internationally renowned Miz WhataBeav. Her prestigious run culminated in the title of Ms. Beaver Universe, although she was stripped of the crown due to the leakage of some full frontal beaver shots taken when Ms. Whacker was much younger and much more naive, plus a little drunk.
She soldiers on, however, in the nature of beavers everywhere, having taken on causes such as Peace, Love, Beavering and the now popular Green Construction. In fact, she is now building an entirely green dam in an adjacent neighborhood. Anita believes everyone should live green and in harmony with nature.
And, of course, Mr. John Parton, about whom we must say, that the rumor he was offered the prestigious Beaver Queen Pageant hosting position in the first place was due to him being the only person we know who owns his own tuxedo, can neither be confirmed nor denied.
John Parton has tried and failed to keep a straight face for the past three years as co-emcee of the Beaver Queen Pageant. John’s natural affinity for beavers and their wetlands drew him to participate in this important event. John is proud to live in a community that not only stands up to large state bureaucracies, not only prevails in these struggles, but then throws an annual celebration of these victories that continues to benefit the community. John keeps his coat gleaming and tail flapping by listening to people who need assistance and pointing them in the right direction. John is grateful for the opportunity to be amplified while speaking frankly and soberly to large crowds about really ridiculous stuff.
Labels: Beaver queen pageant